I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
