Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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