we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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