I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
