totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
