So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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