My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
