apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I could fuck to npr.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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