he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
