You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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