my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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