so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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