She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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