Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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