Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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