i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
