u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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