i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
