Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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