I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
