Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
