these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
