I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
