I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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