Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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