the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
