Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
