hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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