She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My feet surprised me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
