no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
