My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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