Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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