Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
