My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
