I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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