So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
