when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
