Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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