If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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