i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
