You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize