how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
