you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
