I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
