This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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