Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
