I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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