so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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