You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I have post one night stand depression
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