Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
