Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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