i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
