...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So apparently I’m into choking now
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
