I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
