Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I deserve to be covered in dicks
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
