they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
