I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
