Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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