How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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