Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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