do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
