am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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