Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize