Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Can I color on your dick again?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
