No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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