your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
