Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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