he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
