one might say we're banned from that church
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
