What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
