You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
