For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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