Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
